Ambrosia Dance Club

The DJs at Ambrosia are the best in the virtual world in my book. We have a wide variety of English-speaking personality entertainers because that is what fits into our style. Of course, there are many other styles of Djs and each one of them has its on place on the grid. It’s my job to weed out ones that will be a good fit for the club and provide the Ambrosian’s with the consistancy of quality entertainment that they have come to expect.

The audition process usually goes something like this.

DJ Spinz: Hey Phil i wanna be a dj I just filled out the application.
Phil: Ok, are you good?
DJ Spinz: oh yes i am the best i rock your world. I send you a TP to Club Haynuss and you listen.

SO i go and listen – Lady gaga pumps out, then another song then another and then another. Finally I have to ask, “do you speak?”

DJ Spinz: “Umm, no, i am not a speaking DJ.”
Phil: “Well then you are a goddamn IPOD. Don’t you read the application? Thank you for wasting 30 minutes of my already wasted life.”

Next!!

DJ RoaringTygger: “Hey Phil – Do you need djs?”

Sure, so I go and listen – I arrive and hear some good music playing. Ok this is promising. Then all of a sudden a shrieking voice from the bowels of Hades comes through my speakers like a serrated dagger piercing my very soul with overmodulated distorted harshness – “THIS IS DJ ROARINGTYGGER AND I AM GOING TO FREAKIN ROCK YOUR WORLD WITH SOME HARD BANGING BEATS – BOOOOOOOYAAAAAA Bzzzzt SCHXXXXT STATIC BUzzuZzZ…”

Phil Kearny: Dude, your mic is a little harsh
DJ RoaringTygger: It is oh no one ever mentioned it before here at Club Helen Keller.
Phil Kearny: I can barely understand what you are saying
DJ RoaringTygger: It sounds great here at my house.
Phil Kearny: Yeah , but we are not at your house. We are here in Second Life. Take Care, Dude.

NEXT!

DJ Stoopyfeye: “Hey Phil, do you need a hot dj I am a RL DJ for the last 20 years at the most slammin D.C. clubs”

Sure, so i go and listen – I hear boom boom boom boom boom boom boom and electronic beeping sounds and i listen and listen and listen about 15 minutes later a dj drop “You’re in the mix with DJ Stoopyfye” followed by another 20 minutes of technhousetrancehypnoticatribal beats.

Phil Kearny; Dude are you going to change the song ever?
DJ Stoopyfeye: What are you talking about Phil. i mixed together 10 songs already using my mad beatmatching skills
Phil Kearny; Um – its kind of boring – no one but another DJ will ever appreciate the fact that you can beatmatch.
DJ Stoopyfeye:You dont know squat about being a real DJ phil – Im a Rl Dj and people go mental at my sets i get paid 500 bucks a night to perform.
Phil Kearny; What are you doing in SL then applying for a job that pays nothing?

NEXT!

DJ DronZZZ: Hey Phil i wanna DJ at your club.

Ok lets listen:

The final strains of of Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” end and I hear the monotone DJ DronZZZ ” Hey there sexy generic clubgoers this is DJ DronZZZ You just heard Lady Gaga and next I will play for you Keyshia and Nickleback followed by T-pain. Do not forget to to the sexy dancers, they are working very hard for you. Do not forget to vote for Ambrosia and hit that Sploder. Get on my group list. Change your underwear daily. If you have a request get it to me and i will play it. Please keep away from the fire exits.

Phil Kearny: “Dude, are you reading from a script?”
DJ DronZZZ: I am not programmed to answer that Phil.
Phil Kearny:I need Djs with a personality.
DJ DronZZZ: Um, let me see if i can download that one. be right back there big guy

NEXT!

DJ Mobutooo : “Halloo phil – I dj want to in club yours.”

So, I go and listen to the sound of Cambodian Death Reggae followed by “Haloooo the ambrosia, you lissen to crezzy dj Mobutooo comes live now to you from Ksevrakistan to play you best beat from country mine you like u see now next song is bells hanging from neck of goat. Make the sexy riing ding dong jejejeje you like you see – you lissen to crezzy dj Mobutooo you drop the linden in bucket yes to make me rich i make you fun on dance floor yes make the sex on you with hot crezzy Mobutooo voice.

Dude let me guess here – English is not your first language
DJ Mobutooo: Um no,jejeje, i Ksevrakistani my language not the English but music is language yes you make hire phil i need linden yes you say – I give you 2 SL Goats. Bwahahahaha.

NEXTTTT!!!!

By Angelcat Slade

Well, when you think it’s another rocking Friday night in Ambrosia, you are more than right. D XTREEM took over the airwaves for a full on 4 hours straight and rocked the house down.
As you all know, not being content with just filling the sim to capacity, Phil opened it up to allow in 100 people.

Then the dare was on, to try to fill the sim to capacity again, but for 100 people. With a dare in place, everyone was pushing hard to get the sim full.

Of course, a little hard when most couldn’t move from where they were dancing, but Phil, thinking as usual, changed the rez point to the stage next to himself and people started falling from the sky. I might say, a few were embarrassed to find themselves on the main stage when they landed. But they soon were dancing on stage with DJ XTREEM and fit right in.

The numbers fluctuated throughout the 4 hours, hitting a high of 67 and never going below 50. Quite an achievement over that period of time.

Of course the dancers were revving the crowd to keep getting more people in and having the usual fun with the VIP’s.
A lot of guitar playing by Angelcat and some rocking dancing by TeraDawn kept the crowd amused and joining in.

We may have not reached the full 100, but one hell of a good time trying. The entire building was overflowing with people and all having the time of their SL lives.

Join us anytime at Ambrosia and you’ll never be sorry you did. The coolest place in SL and more fun than those places full of bots. :)
You’ll always have someone to chat too and join in the fun with the family.

by Phil F. Kearny

I was recently handed this letter from Dusty Ayres, Ambrosia Dancer, that she recieved from a patron who wished to lodge a complaint about one of the staff members.

I have been reliable told that you are the owner of ambrosia dance club.

Unfurtunately i have to complain about a member of staff at your establishment
i have been coming to your club for several months now, but last week i was there a member of your staff, i believe her name was Pepper ( short, blonde, 4 legs), attacked me and left me with a very nasty case of fleas.

I have tried various remedies to remove them and have even hired chimpanzee to hunt them down, but to no avail….i have sought further medical help, and have been advised to wash daily with insecticide…which has had the unfortunate side effect of turning my skin blue…which is all well and good if i want to be a smurf, or a navi.

My lawyers have i advised i seek compensation….for such a serious incident they advise a sum of $1 linden….to be paid immediately, and the employee in question to be shaved and treated post haste, so as to prevent any further cases of infestation.

However i digress. My point is that i feel you should inspect all staff prior to employment at your club…for lice fleas ticks ect.

Regards,
a very blue & itchy miss mcandrews :P

Miss Mcandrews, I can assure you Pepper is a pest-free staff member since she receives the finest veterinary care available. She is bathed weekly in Sassy Tiger Coat Flea and Tick Shampoo which kills fleas and ticks, ends snarls and tangles, and leaves Pepper smelling as fresh and clean as a spring day. I can not say the same for the rest of the staff since they take care of their own personal hygiene. I hypothesize that it could be possible that you attracted fleas from your attendance at another venue such as that pestilent hellhole “Dance Island” prior to your visit to Ambrosia. I have forwarded your complaint to my attorney and you should expect a reply within the next year.

It was a busy night at Ambrosia Dance Club, DJ Geemix was on the mic and all our regulars were there dancing the
night away. Little did we all know that out of nowhere a Tsunami was about the hit the club, filling the dance floor
with water!

Luckily, Phil was there and provided aid in the form of a couple of speedboats for the non-swimmers at the club to dance on.

The Ambrosia Dancers clung fiercely to the stages, and managed to save themselves – carrying on dancing like the
true professionals they are!

Soon the scuba gear and bikinis were put on, and rubber duck swim aids were passed around and we carried on partying the evening away in the true Ambrosia style.

We can even make a party out of a near disaster here at Ambrosia Dance Club!!

It was an impromptu event but the Ambrosians are always quick thinkers and the life jackets, rubber duckeys and scuba gear came out right quick. Who would have ever thought that everyone has this stuff in their inventory?

You never know what is going to happen next at Ambrosia. I guess that is what sets apart this place from just about every other venue of the world. We have the best VIPS who know how to party!