By Phil F. Kearny
A new visitor to Second Life has a vast wonderland presented to them. An entire world to explore and a whole new etiquette to learn.
A newcomer has so many questions and there are many people in world who love to help them out and answer all their inquiries. I asked the Ambrosians what the top Newbie questions heard on the dance floor are and the wise-ass answers that they would love to give. Now usually, when a noob asks a question people in the club are really nice. But this is what they really want to say. Here are the results.

Here comes the typing animation
1. “Why can’t I hear the music?”
- Ambrosia is a club for the hearing disabled.
- We are the first Braille nightclub in Second Life.
- Music is for the weak!
2. How do i open this box?
- Click and drag it to me and i’ll show you!!!
- Call the sl bomb squad
- With your bare hands
3. How do you dance?
- Very carefully
- First you attend my dancing academy – pre registration fee is 200 L – just pay me now and i will call you when classes commence
4. Do you want to dance?
- Yes but not with you.
- If you get a better looking avatar, shovel face
5. How come you look so good and i don’t?
- Superior genes
- Because I was able to steal my mom’s credit card while she was sleeping
6. Can i go to your house?
- Sure here is the landmark ( Noob finds himself in Gay Yiffee Fur Nation)
- Sure Press Alt and F4 and it will take you there. ( This logs you off second life )
7. How do you make Lindens?
- Mix vegetables and beef in saucepan, add a pinch of salt, toss in avatar juice and stir well. Bake in oven in pan coated with prim oil.
- I made mine as a man whore.
- Become a doorman – Here is the landmark. (Noob finds self at the Entrance to Gay Yiffee Fur Nation)
- Perform the following depraved sexual acts for insignificant amounts of money
8. Can you give me some Lindens?
- Sure when flaming monkeys come shooting out of my rear end.
- Yes just logout and they will appear in your account
9. Where can i get free sex?
- It’s called Search, Places , Free Sex
- Here is the Landmark ( Noob finds himself in Gay Yiffee Fur Nation )
10. What is there to do here?
- dance
- escape reality
- laugh when people get ejected for asking stupid questions
- get bigger and bigger body parts
For the most part, Newcomers are treated well. But under the surface of civility lies the wise ass. And you never know when one too many questions will push the Ambrosians over the edge.
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