Ambrosia Dance Club

NPD Newswire

Published: November 20, 2008

Wilson NC – A 33-year-old man who was determined to lose his virginity in the online game Second Life® was found dead  in the basement of his parent’s house  by EMTs yesterday with a monitor attached to his genitals.

After speaking with his mother, Sharon Jennings, Forensic experts speculate that Ron Joffrie was frustrated by his inability to have physical contact with his partner so he had the idea to cut a hole in the computer monitor and actually penetrate his pixelated mate.  Unfortunately, he electrocuted himself while consummating the act. Craig Billings of the Wilson County Emergencies Services said, “I’ve seen a lot of victims of accidents but this was the first one I’ve seen with such a unique smile on his dead face”

Jennings told investigators that she had seen something bad like this coming for weeks, Sgt. Mary Connor-Rubina said.

When new comers come into Ambrosia for the first time it can be a little overwhelming.  But after being in world for a while you begin to notice a definite pattern.  Not all noobs are created equal.  Each noob is special because there is usually a real person behind each one.  However, it’s so much more convenient to  lump them into the following general categories:

Quiet Shy Noob – Generally stays in the background and observes what is going on around him.  Feels out of place and intimidated by the people who look so much better than him.  Reflects on the terrible quality of his noobiness.  Wonders how he can get a job. Will generally not respond to greetings.

Loud Mouth Noob – generally a male who walks in and loudly announces that he has arrived and is ready to have sex with someone.   “Who wants it first?”  Has no conception that there are actually real people behind the other side of the avatars one of whom could be a family member like his Aunt Fran from Wichita. Ewwwwww.

Noob who is not a noob – Comes in several varieties and this could be a person who has decided to make another avatar and be incognito.  Usually they will buckle under questioning and reveal their non noobiness unless they have a hidden agenda such as spying on a mate or are planning on causing some sort of grief or drama.

Noob who thinks she’s hot -  Usually about a day or two old with freebie shapes, skins and hooker heels who comes in and promptly starts drumming up business for her one day old escort service.

Inquisitive Noob -  Enters dance party with 30 people all shouting gestures and asks how to open a box he has bought or where he can find a job/orgy.  Usually drowned out after the first sentence but sometimes repeats the questions til answered.  Hard to ignore! Finds himself clicking on every object in the club over and over again leading to green chat spam. The only hope is finding a patient dancer.

Underage Noob -  Usually comes in asking for sex from the dancers.  This noob can usually be identified through his use of abbreviated typing like: u r 2 hawt lol and a desire to engage in every vice known to mankind.

Judging Noob -  This one comes in and judges everyone in the room saying things like “This is so stupid …we’re not really dancing; you people are idiots, its just a game…this is not real;  you’re probably all fat in real life.  Get a life”  They are usually drowned our in chat from 20 enraged avatars before the next word comes out followed by a 300 meter plunge to the unreal ground.

Super Hot noob – This one comes in only 2 days old looking like the most gorgeous veteran wearing top of the line skin, shape and hair.  Usually has over extended credit card and friends on the inside or is an alt.  See Noob who is not an Noob above.

Noob in a rush – This one got off Help Island a little too soon.  Usually seen running into the club at high speed carrying a torch or rave stix and slamming into everyone and everything for 2 minutes before finally vanishing in a twinkle of pixie dust.

Rezzmaster Noob – Walks in, starts dancing and decides to attach a house or car to his avatar.  Usually realizes his mistake and totally freaks out.

So what kind of Noob were you? I was a quiet shy noob and spoke to no one for a few months.

Everyone usually falls into one of these categories…I am sure I have missed a few.  Give me a shout out in comments if I have.

It was a rather good weekend at Ambrosia with some steady traffic.  It looks like the summer doldrums are well behind us now as people hunker down in the blue glow of  their computers and try to stay warm.  And what better place to do it than in the sizzling hot Ambrosia Dance Club.  DJ Sneaky made an appearance and played a 3 hour surprise set – Hey that’s why they call him sneaky – that drew a pretty good crowd.

Speaking of a surprise set, If you looked closely at the picture you may have noticed some really clever use of sculpty prims.

Now i like big boobies like any other red-blooded male but Mamma Mia what the hell are these! I had heard rumors that these gigantic jugs existed on Second Life® but I regarded the stories to be like wild-eyed tall tales about Sasquatch sightings. It was quite a shocker to see the actual article walk into the club. My goodness, how does she drive a car with those?  And a tube top?  Talk about defying gravity!

Thank goodness these massive meat melons were not physics enabled.  The seismic jiggle could quite  possibly have dislodged he underpinnings of the dance floor sending everyone plunging into the lake below the club.

Well Ambrosians, stay tuned for this weeks schedule of events!  You never know whats coming next.

Wrong Window

by Veronika Skinstad

It has happened to all of us at some point:  typing a comment in the wrong conversation window.  Whether propositioning your boss or badmouthing a co-worker, this Second Life faux pas has happened to the best of us.  At times, the results can be disastrous, albeit generally wrought with humor.

I have compiled some strategies to help you deal with this embarrassing error in a number of situations:

1. Situation: You type something in the local chat window that was meant for a private IM.

Solution: Pretend you did it on purpose to be funny.

Let’s say you want to tell your lesbian lover that you “can’t wait to suck the honey out of your belly button” or your best friend that “the owner of this club is a total dictator” while the owner is standing  5 meters away,  and you accidentally make this declaration in local chat to everyone present.  Simply type the following line in local chat:  “Oops!!!  Wrong window!!!!  ;-)  LOL.”  The more absurd the statement, the easier it is to get away with this.  A carefully placed winky face can be your savior.

2.   Situation: You want to copy and paste a comment that one person said in IM to another IM window and accidentally paste it back to the person himself/herself.

Solution: You are mentally ill.

Declare that your therapist has urged you to practice active listening, and part of active listening requires you to repeat back exactly what another person says to you to ensure you completely understand it.

Depending on your mental stability, the recipient of this statement may readily buy into it.  If he or she remains skeptical, follow it up by saying, “My therapist says that if I continue to utilize active listening in my everyday conversations, my doctors will give me a day pass!!”   Hopefully, this comment will completely throw the person off and your faux pas will be forgotten!

3.    Situation: You make a sexually explicit comment to the wrong person in IM, for example, asking Torley Linden instead of the hot bartender if he wants to get his Xcite on with you.

Solution: Fake crash

We oldtimers all are well aware that Second Life® is fraught with technical hiccups and spectacular crashes.  Simply log out as quickly as possible.  If confronted when you return, state that Second Life must have been acting up and you obviously typed no such thing.

4.  Situation: You declare to an entire club that you are about to blow your load.

Solution: Laugh your ass off.

Second Life® is meant to be fun, so laugh off your mistake and continue your cyber sex.  Remember:  you are in a pixilated fantasy world.